I recently discovered that a lot of people use Twitter to write brief open letters to unnamed inventors. They usually are expressing extreme love or extreme hatred for something. Occasionally they are even addressed to the imaginary inventor of something completely intangible like power naps or emotions.
The more I looked into it, the more amusing I found it. So I thought I’d share. Here is a round-up of tweets from the past week addressed to inventors, grouped roughly into categories.
[This space unintentionally left blank. There’s a bug somewhere I need to squash. Just scroll down to the content for now. Thanks.]
Dear the inventor of the stiletto/platform heel, WHAT DID WOMEN EVER DO 2 U?!?!?!?!?!?— Lauren Roberts (@Lauren_feee) December 10, 2011
Dear Inventor of the Hoodie, You’re awesome!— Brian Mayfield (@brianmmayfield) December9, 2011
Dear inventor of leggings, thank you for your wonderful contribution to mankind. Love, every man… Ever— iTheGreek (@iTheGreek) December9, 2011
Dear inventor of underware….why?— rachel heche (@hechieee) December 14, 2011
Dear Thong inventor, you dirty devil you ;) you clearly despise comfortable women—Natosh Monroe™ (@NatoshMonroe) December 15, 2011
Dear inventor of Yoga pants. #ThankYou— LucasGangOrCry (@Yuh_Boi_Luke) December 11, 2011
Dear inventor of yoga pants. I love you.— Chrissy Martorano (@cmart064) December8, 2011
dear inventor of fuzzy socks, you da bomb.— Melia Ficarra (@MeliaMichelle16) December7, 2011
Dear inventor of dry fit work out clothes, THANK YOU, you make working out so much more comfortable!— Lex Luther (@iTeach2Inspire) December9, 2011
Dear Inventor of Chap-Stick, thank you thank you thank you!— Tennissa Williams (@TennissaManna) December 14, 2011
Dear inventor & makers of ChapStick, #thankyousomuch you’re the real backbone of society. Sincerely, everyone with lips. :)— sierra jones (@sierraleigh23) December 10, 2011
dear inventor of all things math, we as high schoolers have our own problems to solve. so please find someone else to solve your problem …— Rachel Smith (@RachellSmith13) December 15, 2011
dear inventor of imaginary numbers, I hate you. sincerely, an irritated algebra 2 student— Kylee Bernardoni (@k_bern) December 13, 2011
Dear inventor of calculus, fuck you. Love, college students— Sarah Beeson (@sarbeeson) December 13, 2011
Dear the inventor of DBQ’S, You are just so stupid and have no life.Love,EVERY STUDENT WHO HAS EVER HAD TO WRITE A DBQ.#stillstressed!— Alyson Siragusa (@AlywithhSwagger) December 14, 2011
To the inventor of school. Dear Jerk, Fuck You very much. Sincerely, your most devoted Hater.— Moe (@AhmeDioum) December 13, 2011
Dear inventor of power school you have officially ruined my life— Veronica Cadavid (@WhatTheV) December 15, 2011
Dear Inventor of Homework,You should be shot.Love, Me!— Honey Nut Flukes (@LittleJonasRush) December 11, 2011
Dear inventor of physics and pre calc I don’t like you . You’ve ruined highschool . Bye.— ‘Brandi’Nicole (@Brandidash) December 13, 2011
Dear inventor of the heating pad, i love you (:— Ericka Jernigan (@erriicckkaaa) December 15, 2011
Dear inventor of heated mattress pad please know i have and will forever <3 you with all my ice laden body parts— Erin H (@erinnicole1492) December 10, 2011
Dear Car Seat Warmer Inventor,Best invention ever for asses. You’re touching asses one driver at a time. #warmbuttsarehappybutts— clark_castle (@clark_castle) December9, 2011
Dear Seat Heater Inventor, Maybe a setting somewhere between Frozen & Fry His Fat Ass would be a good idea. Just sayin’— Ryan Miller (@TripletDad38) December8, 2011
Dear inventor of the heater, I’ll say it 2 times. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. Love Me!— Brenda (@angelgirlBSB) December8, 2011
thank you dear inventor of the hot water bottle— Catherine Beaumont (@catherinaaah) December 15, 2011
Dear inventor of the Hot Water Bottle. I salute you. Thanks.— Nishan (@Nishan) December8, 2011
Dear inventor of peanut butter, thank you! #ILoveYou— Desiree Parsons (@DesireeParsons) December 12, 2011
Dear inventor of wine. Thank you. Thank you so much.— David Lewis (@taybridge) December 11, 2011
Dear inventor of beer, I pretty much owe you my life. Sincerely, your biggest fan.— . (@NishaNationn) December9, 2011
dear inventor of kettle corn, thank you!— Jordan K. Bowling (@jkbowling) December 15, 2011
Dear inventor of coffee, I love you.— Case One (@Caseone) December8, 2011
Dear inventor of the olive pipping machine good work, thanks.— Bondibuddies (@Bondibuddies) December 15, 2011
Dear Inventor of Nutella, you are a GOD and I wish to marry you. Perhaps we can work something out?? #HazelnutsRULE #MostAwesomeSugarHigh— Barbie D. (@Ozo8Avs) December 14, 2011
Dear inventor of Butterkist, i would fuck your brains out, love lydia :)— Lydia Rooke :) (@Liddy_B4_Chanel) December 14, 2011
Dear inventor of ramen..marry me <3— Noella Luciotti (@NoellaLuciotti) December 10, 2011
Dear inventor of meatless meatballs, I hate you. Sincerely, TheKidManDawg.— Matthew Giacalone (@TheKidManDawg) December9, 2011
Dear inventor of shredded cheese…..take the rest of the night off.you are a god— Chris McCann (@bacon27) December8, 2011
Dear inventor of kinnect #iloveyou— Elana Dulberg (@ElanaDulberg) December 15, 2011
Dear inventor of texting, I would like to both hug you AND slap you for this stupid technology. Love, Yanet— Janet Anne (@janetanne) December 10, 2011
dear inventor of energy efficient dryers.. THEY SUCK.. i have to run it 3x to get towels dry..— beth wilson (@RadioGodessBeth) December 14, 2011
Dear automatic toilet sensor inventor, figure out a way to stop it from going off during shits #toiletwaterupmyasshole— Jay Huh (@jayh3tr) December8, 2011
Dear Internet Inventor, Thank you. Your invention helps me to graduate. Sincerely, Not learning just tweeting.— fachry spears (@fachryspears) December 13, 2011
Dear inventor of the headphones that block noise out. ILU. Sincerely, me— Hayley Constantine (@hayles) December9, 2011
Dear, Inventor’s OFPS3, GOD OF WAR 1,2&3, COD BLACK OPS, MW3 & 2K12 I HATE YOUR STINKING GUTSPLZ JUMP OFF THE NEAREST BRIDGE NOW!!!!!!— NONO(@TyWife05) December9, 2011
dear inventor of the pacifier, i’d really like to smother you dead! sincerely, zaedin’s mommy :)— Jordan Anderson (@SEXYjd_BxTCH) December 12, 2011
Dear inventor of the johnny jump up, thank u for inventing something my kid can safely go ballistic on when she is hyper. #bestbabytoyever— danae(@butterflyeye21) December 12, 2011
Dear inventor of emotions, what the fuck were you thinking?!— SamaroPhox (@SamaroPhox) December 10, 2011
@BigTiggerShow #Dear inventor of words, why is there a “d” in fridge but not one in refrigerator?— JD (@jdboutpaper) December 14, 2011
Dear inventor of the power nap, I love you. Missing you already, Isabel.— Isabel Arszennik (@IsabelArsz) December 14, 2011
Dear inventor of nightquil and tyelnol pm..thank you <3— Halie Hollywood (@Mis_Hollywood) December9, 2011
Dear Midol inventor, THANK YOU! Sincerely, every pms woman in this world :(:— kim rodriguez (@_Kim_buh_lee) December8, 2011
Dear Inventor of the knuckle-shaped bandage: You may as well have worked on time travel for all the good your stupid, mutant band-aid does.— Truthy Forrealson (@FactBombs) December7, 2011
Dear inventor of cherry medican ,HAVE U EVER TASTED A CHERRY????!!!!— Gabrielle Flores (@GabbyFlores_3) December 12, 2011
Dear Inventor of Ear Plugs, I love you. I slept like a baby. & it was amazing.— Sade A. Diaz♥ (@sadearielxo) December 11, 2011
Dear inventor of the flat iron, I love you<3— Tori A M A Z I N G (@_ToriLovesYou) December 13, 2011
Dear Inventor of Legos, I hate your guts.instagr.am/p/YNBGz/— Jeannett(@jeannettg) December9, 2011
Dear inventor of the bubble wrap, Why did you make something so addictive???? Sincerely, Addicted to popping bubble wrap xD— Sakura Perez (@Sakura2miaka) December8, 2011
dear inventor of insulated cups, you’re so bitchin…thanks buddy.— tits mcgee (@peanuttygudness) December7, 2011
Dear time machine inventor, please let me go back and be an entertainer in the 40’s.sincerely, every incling of my being— Colin Cahill (@ToTheStormDrain) December 15, 2011
You could set up a bot to automatically retweet anything with the phrase “Dear Inventor”.
Posted by: Steve Jones | December 15, 2011 1:35 PM
How many of these inventors are still alive?
For example, the person who coined the term ‘power nap’ is still alive - James B. Maas.
Someone has to let them know they are loved/hated/thanked!
Posted by: Ben | December 15, 2011 5:47 PM
I’m totally building a site that indexes these. These are great!
Posted by: Zach | December 15, 2011 10:54 PM
All males…if you have EVER had the misfortune of zipping up too quickly you understand WHY they invented underwear !! Nuf said !!!
Posted by: robert brumfield | December 16, 2011 5:49 AM
Underwear exists to protect your pants from you.
Posted by: Steve Shockley | December 16, 2011 9:00 AM
My favorite: Dear inventor of cherry medican ,HAVE U EVER TASTED A CHERRY????!!!!
My contribution: Dear Inventors of Windshield Wiper Blades, if streaklessness is not possible, can you at least make it so it isn’t exactly at eye level, huh?
Posted by: Mr. Wisdumb | December 19, 2011 9:43 AM