November 27, 2007

Idea: Truly Crappy Statues

Poo Statue
Based on photo by FatBusinessman
Sculptors sometimes choose their medium based on how that material will change over time. When Frederic Bartholdi decided to make the Statue of Liberty out of copper, he knew that years of wind, rain, and sun would give it a nice green patina, and he must have had that final look in mind when he designed it. I think a sculptor should be brave enough to take a similar approach to another natural phenomenon that can change a statue’s color: bird poo.

Perhaps a bronze statue in homage to a historical figure who had salt-and-pepper gray hair can be erected below the branches of a tree. At that time, the sculptor’s work would be finished, but the statue would not. Only after enough pigeons have crapped on his head to give him a greater likeness to his subject would the statue truly be complete.

Or maybe a statue could be made depicting a child holding up a delicious cupcake. A nice bird crap patina on the cupcake could portray delicious frosting. Or, if he holds an ice cream cone, dripping bird poo flowing from the cone to his hands could emulate melting ice cream. Maybe the child could even be depicted as about to lick it off.

Or, even more simply, how about a statue of someone wiping bird crap off his shirt, placed somewhere that the statue is sure to be pooped on? A great work of art, depicting a modern Sisyphus.

Previously: Michelangelo’s David meets George Bush


David, you need to stay inside more.

Excellent! It’s like the statue is an unfinished work of art til the pigeons make their contribution.

Funny stuff, as usual.

I wonder if they designed fire hydrants with dog piss in mind?

very nice concept… I mean there is no way of stopping them from doing what they do so, might as well incorporate it into the art itself… nice

How about portraits on stretchy fabric instead of canvas. Then, as the subject gets older and fatter, you can just push out the fabric accordingly.

Also, portraits of Hollywood starlets pre and post various augmentation surgeries… of course, in Lisa Rinna’s case, there might not be a stretchy enough fabric, you would likely have to paint her on balloon rubber.

Daniel O’Connell in Dublin gets it terribly. You’d think they were secretly actually holding something against the guy — that or they mistakenly commissioned someone English…


Funny, and somewhat related, story: Just south of San Francisco, inside the peninsula, there was a very rocky section of coast.

The seagulls liked to meet there, usually on the larger rocks. The largest rock eventually had so much bird poop on it that it looked like the melting wax on a candle.

As a joke, the locals started referring to it as “Candlestick Rock”. The name stuck. As a matter of fact, when the SF Giants had a stadium built there, they called it “Candlestick Park”.

Or perhaps you wouldn’t notice if the statue looked about to do one too.

Churchill’s statue in london is electrified to stop it.